My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
