he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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