Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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