she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
