i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
