What a fucking waste of an outfit
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
