Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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