"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
