youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
