he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Success! We fucked roommates!
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