Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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