Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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