I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I want a musical about memes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
