guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize