Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
