idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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