i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
