The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize