I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
