Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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