There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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