thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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