He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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