I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
