I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
