I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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