im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
