She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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