Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
