Your mouth is God's brothel.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
