i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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