Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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