Michael Bay diarrhea
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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