Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
