Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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