Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
