Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
