I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
