Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
