I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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