so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
