I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
