dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Four minutes until I can fart!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
