i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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