he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
