Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
