im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
