Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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