Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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