My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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