He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
