The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
