Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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