Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
