I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
