We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
