I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
