11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize