Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
