we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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