dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
