the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
