NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
