You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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