I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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