who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
