Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
