I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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