You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
