I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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